MJ’s Story
I worked at a small boutique in the Montrose, and I was responsible for opening the shop in the mornings. Naturally that meant getting up at an early hour to ensure I was there on time. Due to the fact that I had no transportation at that moment, I rode the metro bus, which would occasionally drop me at my usual stop a bit earlier than usual. During one of these times it was particularly cold, and I had no choice but to find somewhere to try to keep warm. Most of the shop owners were nice enough to let me step inside for a few minutes because they knew me, if they were open at the time. I had stopped for a moment at the italian restaurant by Mandell and Westheimer to get out of the wind for a moment and to smoke a cigarette. It was about 7:45 in the morning. A man approached me and asked me if I needed a light. He was clearly homeless but I didn’t think anything of it. Houston has a pretty high transient population, and most of them are relatively harmless. My parents always stressed that we should be kind to those less fortunate than us, and that manners are required in all situations. I told him that was nice of him to offer. He lit my cigarette, and as I began to say “Thank you.”, he grabbed me by the waist and drew me against him. He then began saying the most obscene things to me as he rubbed his groin against me. I can’t even bring myself to repeat them. I was too terrified to move. I worried that if I showed how scared I was, or tried to struggle it would turn into something much worse. So I just stood quietly until a car happened to pull into the parking lot. He released me just as that happened and disappeared down the street. I suppose that to the person pulling up, that man might have been my father, giving me a hug or something. I walked quickly to an alley and threw up. I felt so violated and angry. And then I put my game face on, and went to work. I’ve never told anyone about this. I thought to myself that the chances of the man being caught were slim to none, (really, how do you find one specific homeless man in such a large population as the one in this city?) and I did not want to go through all the trouble of making a report when the worst that would come of it for him was a few days in jail before they let him right back out on the streets. I quit my job shortly thereafter, though I still frequent the area to go shopping or have lunch. And though I keep both eyes out for this man, I have never seen him since.
Easter HarASSment
I am not the sensitive type. In fact, I pride myself on being thick-skinned. But this morning, I’ve had it.
Not to go all “Samantha Brick” on everyone, but I’m a pretty young woman, and I often get told as much. But that doesn’t mean that I deserve to be harrassed.
Just minutes ago, I was leaving the Wal-Mart on Silber Road in Houston. The Target on Gessner was closed, and I was picking up some Easter Grass and Cadbury’s for the gift bags that I’m making for a family event in a few hours. (Yes, I’m finishing up last minute. Sorry, Mom.)
I’d never been to a Wal-Mart in Houston, so I’d even taken the liberty of googling “nicest Wal-Mart in Houston” before my trip, and finding out from Yelp! where best to do my shopping. So when a nicely dressed young man in a dark-colored Corvette was driving slowly behind me as I walked to my car, I noted it — but didn’t think twice.
It’s 9:45 in the morning on Easter Sunday, and I’m in the parking lot of a damn Wal-Mart. Like I said: didn’t think twice.
About ten seconds later, he’s driving right next to me. I can tell that he’s looking at me, but, seriously — I have gift bags to fill. I’m not wearing my Easter outfit yet. My hair isn’t fixed. I have my morning Diet Coke waiting for me in the car, from which I’m not far. I have a night job (in addition to my 9-to-5 writing gig) that keeps me up until 3 AM on weekend nights. It’s so early for me, I’d even shopped in my oversized sunglasses. I even considered for a moment that it might be someone I know.
And then he spoke. Ugh, I think.
“Hey there.”
I keep walking.
“Hey there, beautiful.”
I purposefully turn my head slightly diagonal in the other direction, hoping he’ll get the hint that I’d really just like to ignore him and go back to my thoughts of bunnies and brunch.
“What are you gettin’ into today?”
Easter candy, asshole. I think. I hold my tongue.
My instincts are twofold: I’m clearly nonplussed, and clearly annoyed. I do not suffer fools well.
“You wanna hang out with me?”
Finally, a question I’m willing to answer. I’m fairly close to my car, but (I really, really hate to admit) my heart rate has risen a bit. And my D-Bag Creep Radar is out, guns a-blazin’.
“No. I don’t,” I say. Pause.
“Fuck you, dude.” I pressed the “Lock” button on my car, so that I could follow the sound and get there expressly.
I stop dead in my tracks to punctuate the remark, and he keeps on driving.
When I got to my car, I drank some Diet Coke and griped via phone to a few friends about it. I’m aware that this is not the end of the world. And it’s not that I was particularly frightened (go back to the golf course and reading Maxim, I believe, was my precise assessment to my peeps). It’s that I wanted to be thinking about something else.
I don’t deserve to have to deal with this guy just because he thinks I’m hot (or vulnerable, or a bit of parking lot harassment fun, or whatever the hell he was thinking, if anything). It’s not my job to be the source of anyone’s testosterone-fueled entertainment just because I’m doing some late errands for an event on the morning of. I was simply buying Easter grass, for Christ’s sake. (…Literally.)
And I’m posting about this instead of curling my hair because I believe it’s that important.
I recently posted about the #IDidNotReport phenomenon that @LondonFeminist began, and I’ve been thinking a lot about what’s worth reporting, and what’s not.
I accepted the position as a co-director of Hollaback! Houston because I’m a feminist (a humanist, really), and because I care deeply about everyone feeling safe. I love having fun, and I’ve been known to get rowdy my own self — but I want everyone out there to feel free to have fun, to go where they want, and to feel as secure as possible doing so. Not to mention just being able to go about our business without feeling threatened or wasting our precious time and energy dealing with assholes that have woefully immature priorities.
We live in a great city, in a great state, in a magnificent country, in a beautiful world. We should be extremely proud of this, and I believe that we should also be mindful of maintaining, at the very least, some civility.
That being said, I often have to justify Hollaback! Houston to my family and friends, of all genders and lifestyles. Most of the time, people just roll their eyes.
Sometimes they ask, “Is it really that bad?”
Most of the people that know me know that I’m far more concerned with structural sexism and pay disparities. They know that I’m not a whiny woman who wears the label of feminist but makes ill-crafted arguments and assessments about the state of things. I care about feminism academically. I care about feminism politically. I care about social and economic policy, and I live a life that relishes in and fosters the sharing of women’s narratives. I don’t really give two shits if someone whistles at me.
Also, this is Texas. Teenage cowboys in trucks are probably always gonna holler.
So this is when I always say something like, “Yes. It’s that bad. Am I going to get mad if some construction worker whistles at me while I’m on my way to work? It’s not my favorite thing in the world, but no. And do I think that male attention is bad? Absolutely not. But are there people who get groped, or feel unsafe, or flat out verbally abused sometimes? Yes. And do I think that we should all have to pay the price for that? No.”
Recently, I’ve been adding in a schpiel about #IDidNotReport. Female, male, or otherwise — we should all have a chance to share our stories. And we should always speak out when something is wrong. Should we bitch and complain? No. That’s bad for the movement, and it’s not a particularly life-giving way to conduct ourselves. But should we let people know when something bothers us? Yes. Should we warn other people if we’ve been endangered on a hyperlocal level? Absolutely. Should we do everything we can to legitimize our voice, and show would-be harassers and those that are complacent that it’s not OK, and it’s not good enough for us, and it’s not decent behavior, and it’s not acceptable? Yes. Yes. One thousand times, yes.
I am not the fun police. I am not a man-hater. And I am definitely not a prude.
But I am a director of an anti-street harassment campaign in my city, and if I don’t speak up — who will?
Sorry ’bout it, Corvette. You hassled the wrong chickie this Easter.
Fondest Wishes,
B.Rae
Co-Director
A Quick Report on #IDidNotReport
Although it’s always bittersweet to hear stories of liberation and empowerment after harassment, the #IDidNotReport phenomenon is making proof positive waves on the web. In case you haven’t heard, the latest meme in the social media-fueled culture of the sexual assault narrative (the Hollaback, if you will) is to attach the hashtag #IDidNotReport to personal stories of harassment and assault. Oftentimes, those that report these heinous acts are immediately dismissed and not believed.
#IDidNotReport is changing that, tweet by tweet.
Originally started as a frustrated tweet by a UK woman that was the victim of harassment, it’s nearly two weeks later and the stories just keep rolling in. The hashtag has been translated into several, and has become a true worldwide phenomenon. The originator of the meme is LondonFeminist‘s Julian Norman, who explains: In a spontaneous moment, I tweeted, “#ididnotreport the commuter who stroked my bottom on the central line” – an event from only the previous day. It was just one example that popped into my mind; I could have used a number from the last month or so. I invited others to share, using the hashtag. And so it was born – of nothing more than frustration at the levels of disbelief and a sadly large supply of material.
Where it’s easy for commenters to dismiss one woman as a liar, it’s less easy to dismiss thousands of accounts, and thousands there were — 500 in the first 24 hours, climbing to over three thousand.
We here at Hollaback! Houston are thankful for the frustration of LondonFeminist. Through venting to a social media outlet, you’ve created a platform for people to share their stories because you refused to be quiet. That’s the first step in demanding change, and we stand in solidarity with you, from 4,860 miles (7,821 km) away. Yours is a victory for the movement.
We here at Hollaback! Houston want to remind you that, like #IDidNotReport, we’re so that you can share your story. And we’re locally focused for Houston residents specifically, and we’re proud to represent our city in the movement. Find more information about what’s available to you below:
#IDidNotReport
- #IDidNotReport: The Tweet That Empowered. Julian Norman. 27 March 2012.
- #ididnotreport #webelieveyou. LondonFeminist.Com. Julian Norman. 13 March 2012.
- pasdejusticepasdepaix. A French site that rose to popularity at about the same time as the #IDidNotReport hashtag. 16 March 2012.
- Twitter “I did not report” gives victims a voice. Jessica Fairley. Fox 31 Online: Albany, Georgia. 29 March 2012.
- I Did Not Report…. AllisonLeotta.com. Allison Leotta. 19 March 2012. (This link has a good sampling of tweets from others.)
- IDidNotReport Twitter Aggregator. (@ididnotreport1 is a public Twitter account for the stories, quotes, and articles of or related the hashtag — for those that want to be heard, but anonymously.)
- the ‘i did not report’ hashtag: stories of unreported sexual assault. LipMag.Com. Kaylia Payne. 28 March 2012.
- Tumblr’s Tag of #IDidNotReport. Tumblr.Com Aggregator.
We Want You To REPORT!
- Share Your Story, right here — with us.
- Donate to Hollaback! Vote with your dollars. Speak up with your support!
- NeverWalkAlone.Com, featuring the bSafe app.
- Myths about Street Harrassment. Hollaback!
Fondest Wishes,
B. Rae
Co-Director
A Great Craigslist Ad For All Street Harrassers
Whoever wrote the August 2004 Craigslist posting, “I Grabbed Your Boobs on Sunset” is a bona fide Hollaback! hero. Posted at 1AM from Los Angeles, the post details what happens when the male wrtier grabs a woman’s breasts while she’s out having a fun evening with her girlfriends. Hilarious and to the point, we’ve got one word for all you would-be harassholes: exactly.
Have a laugh, and read the full text of the posting here: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/39483432.html.
Fondest Wishes,
B. Rae Perryman
Co-Director
Worth Checking Out – The Arkh Project
Co-director Ricki here… I stumbled across The Arkh Project yesterday while bumbling around on the net, and thought it would be worth checking out and supporting.
The Arkh Project is a project to create a 3D RPG video game that “focuses on queer people and people of color as main characters” and is currently being developed and designed by queer folks and POC. Any money donated goes to the development of the game, as all volunteers and coordinators are donating their free time to the project. How cool!
Check it out and support if you can, you can also follow them on Facebook and Twitter.
Plus, if you’re into linear RPGs… it looks pretty awesome 
Recommended Reading
Happy New Year, Hollaback! Houstonians!
Meredith and Lindsay have both had their hands full with moving, and Ricki just recently finished up all her finals. Combined with the holidays and all of the co-directors have certainly had quite a busy month. Fortunately, with the excitement finally giving way to normalcy, we’re close to coming up with more solid plans for our 2012 offerings!
In the meantime, Meredith recently had to read Tom Bissonette’s Sexual Civility for her day job at OEDB.org. Normally she wouldn’t plug her other projects here, but this one actually resonates with our goals here at Hollaback! Houston. Specifically, the education and prevention of sexual assault and rape. Sexual Civility acts as a sex-positive, LGBTQIA-supportive, victim-blaming-free guide for college-level academic professionals attempting to raise awareness of this tragically common reality. Bissonette’s very thorough distinctions between “rapers” and “rapists” especially caught our co-director’s eye, and she’s wanting to hear more opinions over whether or not they can or should be made. In addition, he also cites traditional gender roles and an entitlement-heavy society as largely at fault for the traumatic horrors.
For legal reasons, we are unable to reprint the entire review here, but you can read it at the following link:
We’re eager to hear your input on Bissonette’s writings! Have any of you read the book? Are any of you interested after reading this review?
Jen’s Story
I was walking in front of Zombie K, when a slight, balding man came around the corner, carrying a Subway bag and a drink. He mumbled something at me as he got nearer, and I said “I’m sorry?” because I didn’t understand what he’d said, and he was clearly making eye contact with me when he said it.
He repeated, “You’re out of shape, Booboo. You’re out of shape,” patting his stomach to indicate the area of my body he was fat-shaming.
After finishing my gape-mouthed gasp, I actually managed to say, loudly “you know what? FUCK YOU,” and kept walking.
I was so angry, that I turned around a few steps later, gave him the biggest bird possible, and yelled at him again, “seriously, FUCK YOU!”
The sad part is, he still won, because I felt like shit the rest of the day.
Happy Holla-Days!
Hope our followers who recognize Thanksgiving enjoyed a safe, happy one! For those of you wanting to get started on your holiday shopping, we wanted to point you in the direction of a few places supporting the anti-street harassment movement.
The Hollaback! “mothership” in New York recently opened up an Etsy shop with tote bags, t-shirts, pins, hoodies and to-go mugs for anyone wanting to show their support for safer streets worldwide. Meredith actually has one of the to-go mugs, and it’s served her well lo these past few months.
In addition, ABC-CLIO is also selling copies of Stop Street Harassment founder Holly Kearl’s seminal sociological study Stop Street Haassment for half-off! Snag it here for $22.47 and educate a loved one (or yourself!) about the unfortunate experiences of women worldwide.
Got any more suggestions blending holiday gift giving and the fight against street harassment’s many ugly forms? Let us know down in the comments section!
